Battling the pirates

Pirates are not extinct. Although we like to imagine that swashbucklers on the high seas are a glamorous thing of the past in actuality they are more dangerous than ever.

According to the international study “the Practical Guide to Piratical Practices Worldwide,” conducted by the World Foundation for the Study and Termination of Malicious Marauding, 1 in 2,357 tourists are captured by pirates and sold into slavery, 12,038 cargo ships are hijacked, and over $373,000,000.00 worth of cargo is stolen and subsequently sold on the black market every year.

In light of this newly published study we are offering a wonderfully functional and stylish solution to a select crowd. You know who you are. The old saying applies: “If you have to ask, you can’t afford it.”

Ladies and gentleman, behold! The ultimate in self-protective gunboatery. The USS Shirley: